Epiphany

People told me running would change my life.
They told me I'd find the meaning to life.
Everybody always say that nothing beats the feeling you experience after finishing a hard session.
Well, to some degree that's true.
Finishing a 8km tempo run feels great, mostly because it's always a challenge but afterwards I am still able to walk...after 20km not so much.
I'm still no single millimeter closer to discovering the meaning of life though and the only thing in my life it has changed is my sleeping patterns.
When I look in the mirror I still don't like what I see.
I don't love myself any more.
I don't hate myself any less.
For all the "friends" I've made I don't spend any more time with anyone but myself.
I still haven't found the joy in my life.
I've lost everything I've ever loved and running is what I'm left with.
I can truely say that most of the time I hate it.
Why do I still run you ask...
Well, that's an easy answer.
All my life I stood back and watched life pass me by, mostly I still do, but I also backed away from anything hard and all the things that I didn't love.
So this time around I said "fuck you, life!"
You can't stop me!
You can't break me!
I'm a fighter and I'm here to stay!
I'm stronger than all those bitches out there that do this week after week because they enjoy it.
It's easy doing something you love.
Try doing something you hate week after week without pause!
My epiphany: how ever hard life pushes you you need to push back harder.